watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize