saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
