I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
