we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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