I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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