no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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