I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
