I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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