Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
