I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
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A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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