i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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