she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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