Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
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Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
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She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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