awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
