Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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