Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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