glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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