just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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