there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
