Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
