so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
