This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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