so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
