Where is the hickey?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
