eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
