You work out of a Hotel?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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