oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I intend to get homeless drunk
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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