By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
