I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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