the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
