You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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