You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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