after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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