I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
