need another drink. this is the easiest way
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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