i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
