can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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