Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
