So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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