His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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