Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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