All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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