i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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