I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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