I think i peed on brittanys purse
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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