Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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