Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
