Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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