the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
