it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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