part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
