Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need a beard to bite.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Pooping to opera.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
