the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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