I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
