I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
