Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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