Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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