Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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