So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
