Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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