Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
